Santa's making his Nevada run, but somebody upgraded the reindeer. Rudolph is piloting a gleaming flying saucer now, towing the sleigh across a starry desert sky while a tractor beam beams presents down to a little cinder-block house among the cactus. Every gift on this route needs Area 51 clearance, and the elves aren't saying who signed off.

Printed on a Comfort Colors 1717 — garment-dyed, heavyweight, broken-in-on-day-one soft. Built for ugly-sweater parties that need a better shirt, desert Christmas road trips and anyone who believes the truth is out there under the tree.